So yeah, my house smells pretty good. And it looks good too, because in truth I have accomplished a lot today. Nate read the status and laughed at me calling me ridiculous, but I really did mean what I wrote. I felt like I hadn't accomplished anything. This was my day:
- 7:15~ Woke up and went for a run (I'm working on the couch to 5k program)
- 8:00~ Took Nate to work
- 8:30~ Get home, take a shower, start tidying the house in my normal routine, make beds, clear clutter, empty dishwasher, feed kids, that sort of stuff
- 10:20~ Walk to pre-school and help out there
- 11:45~ get home, do lunch for the kids and have my first eat of the day, put kids down for nap
- 12:00~ start cleaning bathrooms (because Tuesday is my bathroom day)
- 1:00~ Feed Champ
- 2:30~ Clean
- 3:30~ Clean
- 4:30~ Clean
So there you have it. I have accomplished something. But at the end of the day, and though I was exhausted, I felt like I hadn't really accomplished anything at all. (That's when I turned on my scensty. I really did!) It all felt like busy work and a bit worthless. I look around my house and can see that the toys are picked up, the throw pillows are actually on the couch, the dirty dishes aren't seen and my kitchen table is cleared. That's what I CAN see, but what I actually LOOK at is the extra clutter. The reciepts on the desk that I haven't gone through, the winter clothes that Nate pulled out of storage 2 weeks ago that I haven't taken time to find space for, the serger in it's box that I'm not sure where to put because the closets are full, the clothes I just bought Champ that I haven't decided if I should exchange for bigger sizes, the bags of fabric that I bought to finish projects but have not touched in way too long. And why isn't the fabric in my fabric drawer? I simply have to many unfinished projects and my drawers are full. CLUTTER!!! It feels like it's closing in on me some days!
Not to get off track, this post is about remembering. As I was pampering my face after putting the kids to bed I was thinking about how there are days that I absolutely do nothing, and at the end of the day I don't really lament over what I haven't accomplished. I feel a little guilt over my laziness but it passes quickly, there are no lingering feelings of .... hmmm.... I'm not quite sure what, but uselessness, or wishing I were better. So that got me questioning. How is it I can go an entire day of doing nothing w/o really questioning my self worth and yet I can spend an entire day being productive and feel lousy at the end of it? HOW?!
Well let me tell you that Satan guy, he's tricky. Laziness isn't really something to aspire to, nor is it something to be proud of. I think there are days when it's ok to do nothing, but I don't think those days come months at a time. When I get caught on those days I don't think Satan really targets my self esteem, because there is no need. I am doing no one any good and therefore I'm not doing myself any good because I am not progressing. He's already got me. But the days I work hard HE has to work harder. I would say today was spent in the service of my family. So why do I feel crummy at the end of the day? Because I let the devil get in my head and tell me "it isn't enough." That was the only thing he could do because I was anxiously engaged in a good cause, too busy for him.
The spirit whispered these words to me: "Forget not..." Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:
"...Forget not to be patient with yourself.
I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.
Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.
And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
It’s wonderful that you have strengths.
And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.
God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,1 but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect,2 and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.
Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.
In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.
... Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey."
Read the rest of what he said here.
I am grateful for this reminder. I needed that. I decided that instead of allowing Satan to help me to think less of myself by thinking about how much I still need to do I will allow the spirit to sanctify my day and tell me where I can do better tomorrow. I will focus on my goals and what I've accomplished at the end of the day. So in that spirit...
Today was Tuesday which meant I needed to do the small daily things on my chore list, wash the kid's laundry, clean bathrooms and get Bud to pre-school. I did all of that! I accomplished my daily goals! I wanted to work on Bud's Halloween costume (mickey mouse) but because I was still catching up on my daily chores, the cleaning took a little longer. Plus I've decided preschool day probably isn't a good day to expect myself to start or complete extra tasks. It's only an hour and a half out of my day, but it seems to have a butterfly effect on the rest of the day. I didn't start on the costume, but because of how much I got done today my chores should take less time tomorrow and I can work on it then.
These are my overall goals for my family.
1~ Implement my cleaning schedule so it becomes a well oiled machine and routine because a clean home makes for a happy home, and a happy home makes for a happy, more patient mom. This is what my day will look like tomorrow.
And give it a try. I NEED to learn how to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity and for my children. I think it will be good for all of us, and who doesn't love a little fresh air every day?!
3~ Implement a daily activity with my kids so I am spending more time with them teaching them and getting to know them. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this but I'm thinking It will be kind of along the same lines as my chore charts. Monday baking, Tuesday reading, Wednesday arts/crafts/science, Thursday serve others, Friday - play with them and their toys... something like that. IF you have any experiences with this kind of thing let me know please! I need ideas. Like REALLY. I'm not very good at bringing out my inner child.
BUT I have to remember to go slowly and take these goals and challenges one at a time.
While I hope this new perspective will help me to have this attitude every day.....
I know there will be days that are harder than others and I need to remember this:
"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." ~Anne of Green Gables
I've actually always liked Mondays because it was a fresh week, but I need to remember that every day is fresh, not just every week or every month or every year.
SO ~ Remember!