New Beginnings

About Gratitude Day 8

2011-11-08T21:24:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for my sisters. I just love them! ALL of them. I miss them so much and wish we could all live closer. As it is right now I only have one sister out of all my sisters and sisters-in-law close and we live far enough apart that it's hard to get together often. I know though, even though we are far away I will always have the support I need just by making a phone call.

(I tried to find one of all of us from Becky's wedding but I could not. I think they are on my external hard drive.)

About Gratitude Day 7

2011-11-08T20:58:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for my mothers, first the mother who raised me, second the mother who raised the boy into the man that became my loving husband and a wonderful dad, and third those mothers who have been there for me all along the way. There are a few that stand out as particularly amazing in my life and I'm not sure I would be where I am now if it weren't for all of the above. The faith of the mothers in my life has been a shining light ~ a beacon of direction for me. I'm so grateful for them.

And about my mom and mom-in-law I'm grateful for the support they've been to Nate and I and especially to our kids. I couldn't ask for my kids to have better grandparents!

And of course I can't forget my Fathers. The calming wisdom in them has had such a positive influence on me and my family. I can't express how thankful I am to have worthy priesthood leaders to be examples to my boys. And Curtis taught Nate well in teaching him how to treat his wife and respect women and others.

About Gratitude Day 6

2011-11-08T20:40:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for the blessing of being Bud's Mom. He brings joy into my life and makes me all together a better person. Less selfish, more compassionate. My life is more beautiful and more sweet. I love hearing him pray, and I love hearing him talk about his family and his friends. I love how excited he is to have a brother and what a good brother he is. He enjoys making Champ laugh and he enjoys talking and playing with him. I love watching his imagination blossom as he plays with his toys. My life changed 3 years ago because of Bud and I wouldn't want it any other way.

About Gratitude Day 5

2011-11-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for Bud's sweet sensitive spirit. He's always been a cuddler and I love that about him. He still wants to give me hugs and kisses and still wants me to hold him and still wants to sit in my lap. I will be sad when this ends. I love how he has to have a kiss AND a smooch before bed every night. His smiles make me happy. I'm so grateful for him.

About Gratitude Day 4

2011-11-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

Bud turns 3 on Sunday so in honor of those 3 glorious years this is #1 of 3.

I'm grateful for a smart, beautiful, sensitive, brave little boy who isn't afraid to call his parents to repentance!

About Gratitude Day 3

2011-11-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for Champ. I'm grateful that he is such a smiley happy boy. I'm grateful that he enjoys chattering, and I'm grateful that he can take the hits his big brother throws his way. I love the kisses that he gives me. And I love that it's already him asking for kisses and not just me giving them. I'm in love with the little guy and I'm so grateful for the moments that I just get to hold him and enjoy him as a baby. I feel like he's growing up too fast yet at the same time I get excited with every bit of progress he makes. Soon he will be crawling and sitting up! He's got the sweetest little spirit. I just love him!

About Gratitude Day 2

2011-11-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

I'm so very grateful for a sweet husband who lets me sleep longer than I should, who tells me I'm pretty and beautiful and who makes sure I know he loves me. I couldn't ask for a better man to be the father of my kids and to be by my side through eternity.

About Gratitude Day 1

2011-11-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm not grateful all year around but November is a great time to put it in writing and remind myself how blessed I am. So for the the month of Nov. this is post 1.

I am grateful for the loving guidance of my Heavenly Father and for the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ. I know he lives and loves me, and I know that through him I can be clean and return to live with him and my Heavenly Father.

Gentle Healer by Greg Olsen

About Remembering

2011-10-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

This was my facebook status tonight~ Sometimes when I feel like I've accomplished nothing at the end of the day I turn on my sugar cookie scentsy so it SMELLS like I did.

So yeah, my house smells pretty good. And it looks good too, because in truth I have accomplished a lot today. Nate read the status and laughed at me calling me ridiculous, but I really did mean what I wrote. I felt like I hadn't accomplished anything. This was my day:

7:15~ Woke up and went for a run (I'm working on the couch to 5k program)
8:00~ Took Nate to work
8:30~ Get home, take a shower, start tidying the house in my normal routine, make beds, clear clutter, empty dishwasher, feed kids, that sort of stuff
10:20~ Walk to pre-school and help out there
11:45~ get home, do lunch for the kids and have my first eat of the day, put kids down for nap
12:00~ start cleaning bathrooms (because Tuesday is my bathroom day)
1:00~ Feed Champ
2:30~ Clean
3:30~ Clean
4:30~ Clean

and so on..... cleaning... ALLLL day! I even made a spot remover for the carpet and USED it. (it worked pretty well to my surprise)

So there you have it. I have accomplished something. But at the end of the day, and though I was exhausted, I felt like I hadn't really accomplished anything at all. (That's when I turned on my scensty. I really did!) It all felt like busy work and a bit worthless. I look around my house and can see that the toys are picked up, the throw pillows are actually on the couch, the dirty dishes aren't seen and my kitchen table is cleared. That's what I CAN see, but what I actually LOOK at is the extra clutter. The reciepts on the desk that I haven't gone through, the winter clothes that Nate pulled out of storage 2 weeks ago that I haven't taken time to find space for, the serger in it's box that I'm not sure where to put because the closets are full, the clothes I just bought Champ that I haven't decided if I should exchange for bigger sizes, the bags of fabric that I bought to finish projects but have not touched in way too long. And why isn't the fabric in my fabric drawer? I simply have to many unfinished projects and my drawers are full. CLUTTER!!! It feels like it's closing in on me some days!

Not to get off track, this post is about remembering. As I was pampering my face after putting the kids to bed I was thinking about how there are days that I absolutely do nothing, and at the end of the day I don't really lament over what I haven't accomplished. I feel a little guilt over my laziness but it passes quickly, there are no lingering feelings of .... hmmm.... I'm not quite sure what, but uselessness, or wishing I were better. So that got me questioning. How is it I can go an entire day of doing nothing w/o really questioning my self worth and yet I can spend an entire day being productive and feel lousy at the end of it? HOW?!

Well let me tell you that Satan guy, he's tricky. Laziness isn't really something to aspire to, nor is it something to be proud of. I think there are days when it's ok to do nothing, but I don't think those days come months at a time. When I get caught on those days I don't think Satan really targets my self esteem, because there is no need. I am doing no one any good and therefore I'm not doing myself any good because I am not progressing. He's already got me. But the days I work hard HE has to work harder. I would say today was spent in the service of my family. So why do I feel crummy at the end of the day? Because I let the devil get in my head and tell me "it isn't enough." That was the only thing he could do because I was anxiously engaged in a good cause, too busy for him.

The spirit whispered these words to me: "Forget not..." Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

"...Forget not to be patient with yourself.

I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,¹ but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect,² and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.

... Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey."

Read the rest of what he said here.

I am grateful for this reminder. I needed that. I decided that instead of allowing Satan to help me to think less of myself by thinking about how much I still need to do I will allow the spirit to sanctify my day and tell me where I can do better tomorrow. I will focus on my goals and what I've accomplished at the end of the day. So in that spirit...

Today was Tuesday which meant I needed to do the small daily things on my chore list, wash the kid's laundry, clean bathrooms and get Bud to pre-school. I did all of that! I accomplished my daily goals! I wanted to work on Bud's Halloween costume (mickey mouse) but because I was still catching up on my daily chores, the cleaning took a little longer. Plus I've decided preschool day probably isn't a good day to expect myself to start or complete extra tasks. It's only an hour and a half out of my day, but it seems to have a butterfly effect on the rest of the day. I didn't start on the costume, but because of how much I got done today my chores should take less time tomorrow and I can work on it then.

These are my overall goals for my family.

1~ Implement my cleaning schedule so it becomes a well oiled machine and routine because a clean home makes for a happy home, and a happy home makes for a happy, more patient mom. This is what my day will look like tomorrow.

2~ Read this book:

And give it a try. I NEED to learn how to get out of the house for the sake of my sanity and for my children. I think it will be good for all of us, and who doesn't love a little fresh air every day?!

3~ Implement a daily activity with my kids so I am spending more time with them teaching them and getting to know them. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this but I'm thinking It will be kind of along the same lines as my chore charts. Monday baking, Tuesday reading, Wednesday arts/crafts/science, Thursday serve others, Friday - play with them and their toys... something like that. IF you have any experiences with this kind of thing let me know please! I need ideas. Like REALLY. I'm not very good at bringing out my inner child.

BUT I have to remember to go slowly and take these goals and challenges one at a time.

While I hope this new perspective will help me to have this attitude every day.....

I know there will be days that are harder than others and I need to remember this:

"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." ~Anne of Green Gables

I've actually always liked Mondays because it was a fresh week, but I need to remember that every day is fresh, not just every week or every month or every year.

SO ~ Remember!

About Sleep

2011-09-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well I think we're getting somewhere with Champ. It took us a while to find a groove. With his colic it was near impossible to put him on a schedule, and by the time he got through it I wasn't sure where he should be with eating/sleeping because I hadn't read up on baby stuff as a refresher. Now I know to do that with the next child. I can't believe how easy it is to forget! On the 20th he turned 4 months and we went in for his checkup. Every checkup we get a little news letter (I suppose you might call it) about their age and developmental stage. I used that as a reference to how much he should be eating and how often, and how much he should be sleeping.

No one needed to tell me he should be sleeping through the night by now, my body has been screaming that at me for the last 2 months, but since he hasn't been I realize I can't just expect it now, we have to work our way into it. So I put my foot down. I insisted that he has to go at least 6 hours between feedings in the sleeping hours and if that mean he cried then that meant he cried. I ended up sticking him in the hall because he CRIED. By the time he exhausted himself into sleep he was still sleeping at 7:00 (I fed him at 12:30 the night before and he woke up at 4:00ish). So at 7:00 I woke him up, fed him and laid the groundwork for a schedule. Success!

Last night I fed him at 11:30 he didn't wake up until right before 6:00. I considered making him wait until 7:00 but realized I have to ease him into longer hours. So he ate and we both went back to bed and I am happy. I see a trend growing, and though two nights doesn't sound like a whole lot to make expectations he seems to catch on quick. I mean, he only cried for 1 night and then slept the next. I'd say that's pretty good. My world seems to be coming together, working for the happiness of my family. YAY! We are going to continue to try to get him to sleep a full 8 hours with no sleep, but we'll work slowly on that. I am happy.

Now if I could only get myself to go to sleep at a decent hour....

We try not to let him suck his thumb, but he is a thumb sucker at heart.
(just like his mom was)

About The Improvement Movement

2011-09-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

Forgive me blogger for I have sinned. It has been 1 month since my last post.

So there are a lot of things I need to take responsibility for: My spiritual growth, The state of my home, both spiritual and physical, my body, Champ's eating/sleeping schedule. And those are just a few of the more important ones at the moment. I'm happy to say I'm getting to the point where lazy is just not fun anymore! I don't really know if lazy was ever fun, but we'll call it that for lack of a better adjective. Today I am taking charge of it all! I'm ready to improve myself and my family.

About my Spiritual Growth~ I often feel like a Mormon fraud.... a Sunday Mormon if you will. I still battle with doing the ever so important scripture study and daily prayers and more importantly making sure I'm making Sundays as meaningful as possible (specifically taking the sacrament each week). While I won't go into great detail in my blog about this I do want to say that the important part is I am still trying and I'm getting better. Saturday night I was determined to study the Sunday school lesson BEFORE class and in doing so I learned some pretty amazing stuff. One of my new favorite scriptures is this:

1 Corinthians ch 11 vs 31
For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.

This is was an important lesson to me about how important self reflection is and that we need to do it OFTEN. It is key in the repentance process. I've learned some new ways to go about this and I'm excited about it.

About my Body~ I'm going to start exercising! And even better I'm going to set goals. I'm happy to say I've only gained about 5 lbs from my last pregnancy (vs. 10 from the one before that) because I was consistent with my exercise the last 2-3 months; but sad to say I still have 5 lbs to lose from my last pregnancy (+ 1o from the one before that). I would like to have our next baby when Champ is about 2 years and 3 months. (I know, specific right?) Right now he is 3 months so that gives me about 15 months before I get pregnant and 45 lbs to lose. I want to maintain my "skinny weight" for about 3 months before I get pregnant, so really 12 months to lose 45 lbs. That means I have to lose approximately 3.75 lbs a month. Sounds doable right? I plan to do this by exercising in the morning before I eat so I'm burning extra fat instead of food calories. Every month I'm going to set a goal to help me eat healthier. Some of the goals I have in mind are: 30 days with no fast food, 30 days with no extra sugars and sweets, 30 days with no eating out, 30 days of no skipping breakfast lunch OR dinner.... stuff like that. I may be repeating each of these a lot. I'm going to drink enough water every day. I'm going to keep track of all of this on calendars. I'm going to follow these rules:

In Addition to all this I'm going to start running. I really REALLY want to do the couch to 5K program and hopefully before I get pregnant again the 5K to 10K program. Ultimately I want to be able to run a half marathon, but baby steps for now. I'm not positive I'll be able to do that BEFORE next baby (with winter coming up and all). Oh and one more thing~ Amy and I decided that if you are exercising and eating right, reading your scriptures can also help us lose weight on account of: filling yourself spiritually leaves less room for food.

About my Home~ I'm making chore charts! A short while ago I found some great lists on pinterest for what I like to call "home engineering" (I like to call myself a home engineer as apposed to a housewife or stay at home mom because it sounds so much more involved and smart~ I know I'm lame). You can find these lists here on the Martha Stewart site. Between these lists and some other lists, I've come up with an ultimate list for how to stay on top of my chores. The different lists include: Daily chores, Weekly Chores, Monthly Chores and Seasonal Chores. I'm currently working on turning them into subway art to hang in my hall (or laundry room when I have a house... someday) so they are there as a constant reminder. I want them to be apart of my decor so they have to look good and having them framed I can still check things off every day with out having to make up new lists every week/month. I'm still figuring the program I'm using out, and I'm still tweaking stuff but here is an idea for what I'm going for:

This is just a rough draft of the daily list ~ Fun right?

About Baby~ Champ is driving me NUTS! Bud was sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks - 2 months. Champ is STILL NOT. It's partially my fault because I haven't had him on a schedule. It's partially that even though he was getting there the good habits he formed were interrupted when family came to town. No matter the fault though it's time to do something about it because this whole waking up at 4:00 every morning is driving me mad. I'm going to put him on a schedule and if he doesn't improve in 2 weeks he's crying it out. That's right, no more loosey goosey mom anymore. He WILL sleep at night.

So that's about it for right now. This is the improvement movement. I'm taking charge. No more lazy, pregnant with a 9 lb-er, or fussy new baby excuses. I will find my skinny. I will have a clean house that invites the spirit. I will draw closer to my Savior. I must. My family depends on me and if I'm not at my best I'm not giving them my best. That's where I'm at.

And now for your viewing pleasure - a glimpse at my little family in current times:

About Potty Training

2011-08-08T12:55:00.001-07:00

So I'm going to try out this blogging thing again.

Bud took the initiative to sit on the potty today.

He really wanted to wear his big boy underwear too. We've been talking a lot about potty training because we actually have a date set for when it's going to take place so last night I asked him if he's excited to use the potty and wear big boy underwear like his cousins Ben and Ryan. Today after he chose to sit on the potty and asked to wear underwear I gave in. I explained the difference between underwear and diapers and that he can't use his underwear like a diaper. But if he has to do pee or poop he needs to use the potty. I think he understood. Several months ago he had a couple of successful #1's in the potty and last week his first #2. Fingers crossed!

About the Million Dollar Idea

2010-03-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've noticed the boom in creative crafts these days, it's quite hard to miss. Mom's everywhere are using their skills to make things they enjoy making that are cute, fun, functional and even tasty... and some even, all at the same time, use these skills as a way of income for their families.

I'm talking about crafts like budget books made by Julie, she sells them on www.etsy.com

and these cute bows made by Becca.

I have a couple of friends like Ariel that make nursing covers and sell them.

My friend Karen makes the most uplifting fun cards

and I love getting them for my birthday every year.

Anything Kellie touches pretty much turns to gold.

See her so cute signs here. She even made her son the cutest halloween costume!

There are amazing blogs out there like my friend Kristi's

that help us to be more creative and inspired in the functionality of our home and budget and to opening up our minds to new ways of doing things, saving money, and simply help us to think outside the box.

You can even find great furniture on Ana's blog to make for your own home which will give you a sense of accomplishment as well as save you a couple (hundred/thousand) dollars.

(bed made by a reader of Anna's Blog)

Stuck for dinner? Tired of the "same ol' same ol'"? check out some great blogs like Ashlee's

and Stephanie's.

And then there's people like Ashley who decide they want to learn something new so she 'youtube's it and poof she has an amazing new skill and talent.

Don't her cakes look yummy and fabulous?!

There are TONS more blogs out there too! Those are just some by people I personally know (except Ana... I don't know her).

My point is~ I don't know if this "new age" craft era is a trend or if it's something that will stick around for a while. With the economy the way it is and just life being more and more expensive in general, women, who might otherwise choose not to, are having to leave their homes and their children to help make a living. I am inspired by the women I have linked above and all others that have figured out what they can do to contribute to their homes and society, all the while magnifying their talents and creating fun and beautiful and once again tasty... well... anything!

I am blessed to have a job where I get to work from my home. It is not what I consider fun though and sometimes I wonder~ Could I be doing something more enjoyable and still bring in money for my family? I'm sure I can! I have some great talents, the most obvious being my mad sewing skills. I have been thinking a lot lately on what I can do to market my talents. I need a Million Dollar Idea!!!! In the past I've made wedding dresses. I haven't done many since moving to Utah and it takes a lot of time away from my family and frankly isn't really realistic as far as making a living goes right now.

So I need something time efficient/cost effective. Something I can make a turn around on the money I invest. My biggest set back to discovering my Million Dollar Idea is when I see something that already being done a lot I hesitate to take a venture at it myself. I want a product that's unique. Something that people won't look at and say... "That's really cute!!! I could just make that myself." I want to corner a market and if it goes boom after me, well that's fine if I already have a clientele built up. I made crayon rolls for my nieces and nephews,

but I'm not so sure it's cost effective and I'm afraid it's one of those things people will see and choose to do themselves rather than buy (I suppose making a how-to blog about doesn't help my chances of being able to sell); plus they are becoming quite common already.

That's what I've been thinking about lately. Anyone got any million dollar ideas for me?

About Sleep

2010-03-09T23:23:00.000-08:00

When I was young every once in a while I used to "sneak" into my parents room in the mornings, on Saturdays and during the summers, to snuggle with my mom in bed. I can't perfectly remember, but as I recall if my mom wasn't already awake reading a book, most of the time she would wake up to give admittance and exchange morning pleasantries, and often even if she had already been up reading reading, ended up falling asleep for a short while more. The idea of being able to fall asleep right after waking up from being asleep all night was strange to me and I found myself wondering ~ HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?! with great amazement.

She had six kids. 'Nuff said! But my small mind couldn't grasp that concept.

I don't know if you know this, but snuggling with your mom is boring if she's just going to sleep. Not a big fan of boredom at that age I decided on many of these occasions that if she was asleep I wanted to sleep too. Not being tired I had to learn how to put myself to sleep so I studied her sleeping. I figured out that when she was asleep she breathed deep and slow, so I breathed deep and slow. Not sure how long it took but that usually did the trick and before I new it I was waking up in mom's bed. It's a good memory:)

I feel like that sometimes still. Every once and a while I will have short waves of insomnia and I again have to figure out how to put myself to sleep. I've figured out lots of different ways but for some reason they never seem to last. In the past I've tried the whole breathing tactic, hot shower, I've had Nate stroke the side of my face (it worked for Bud when he was a little baby, why not me right?) I've stroked my own nose (I know it sounds weird, but it's another trick that worked for Bud). I've also just given into the insomnia with the assumption that I must not be falling asleep because I didn't work hard enough~ so I give up on sleep and clean for a couple (or 3 or 4) of hours and try again to sleep when I'm happy with how clean my house is. These little tricks all worked at one time, and the charm of each has, over time, worn off. Bummer. My latest trick has been to read my scriptures, and not in the hope that I'll fall asleep reading. I actually read a chapter or more before I close my eyes to sleep and its great because I'm awake enough to pay attention to what I read but when I'm done my head is clear enough to let me fall asleep. That didn't work tonight.

So once again I feel like that 5 year old girl trying to figure out how to fall asleep on command. I don't have 6 kids yet. Maybe when (IF) I do this won't be so much an issue? Until then ~ How do you fall asleep when you can't sleep?

About Success

2010-02-18T12:36:00.000-08:00

A while back I wrote a blog about failure. I was so overwhelmed with life and even more so about what I wasn't doing to improve life for my family that I just felt like a terrible failure. It was a horrible feeling and not in the motivating I want to do better way, but in the I don't know how to fix this way. Well months later I am please to report that with the help of the Lord, I'm fixing it.

My world at home has changed and my attitude for the way I live has too and it feels SO GOOD. I want to give a shout out to my dear friend Becca S. Without you this never would have happened!

Becca allowed me to invite myself to come to her house every morning and workout with her.

I stink at motivating myself and Becca has been a most excellent workout buddy. We started at the beginning of winter. We've tried to be as consistent as possible but there were mornings skipped, even a couple of weeks during Christmas. The important part though is we've always picked it up again when life has slowed down.

I never in my wildest dreams expected this, but daily exercise has turned out FAR more blessings than just making my body look/feel healthier. It's like a little seed was planted that isn't growing into just a tree, but a FRUIT tree! And let me just say - I LOVE fruit.

I always thought that reading scriptures and praying daily is key to change.

I still believe this but my experience with it has not been as simple as that. I do not like to read and have struggled with consistent scripture study my whole life. I have often prayed for the desire to read because I had none and couldn't seem to get myself to do it. I feel like that's been one of those prayers that has just hung out there in limbo and for a long time, years even, I have not been blessed with that desire. I've still tried, sometimes harder than others, but for the most part I have just kind of waited for the blessing. This no doubt has stunted my growth, but I can only move forward at this point.

Over this past winter, the more active I got with working out the better I felt. I have noticed changes in my body that have encouraged me to keep doing what I was doing. Soon enough I found myself doing things that I hadn't done in a long time... like washing the dishes every morning and keeping up on laundry WILLINGLY and not just because it needed to be done. I've even started to clean the bathroom regularly! My whole perspective has changed!

From a clean kitchen (and the food storage we bought) stemmed the ability to make dinner for my family. This I think is probably the second biggest change that's taken place. Almost 3 years into marriage and I still wasn't consistently and certainly NOT willingly taking care of dinners. Now I WANT to and I'm not scared that I won't follow through!! Before I knew it I was consistently doing all the things, I thought would be hard for me, easily. AND from that I've learned a little about myself.

Last summer was not a good summer for me. It wasn't terrible, I was happy enough but I couldn't seem to muster up the energy or desire to do anything beyond sitting outside and chatting with the other mom's on the playground. Lucky for our family Nate was home all summer and picked up A LOT of my slack. The part that made summer not good was: because I was slacking I had guilt and I felt like a lazy person to the extent that I surrendered myself to thinking that's who I am.

So one day, a couple of weeks ago, while mopping my floor (I do it on a regular basis now!) I was comparing this time last year to right now and thinking about how much has changed. This is what my life looked like a year ago: I was nursing and caring for a 3 month old baby, I had 60-80 documents a day (about 6-8 hours work), I was working on a wedding dress, and my husband was in classes all day and, working till 2:30 am on average every night. This is a typical day today: Get up at about 7:30, Nate gets up with Bud and they have daddy son time, exercise at 8:00, do morning chores after exercise, SHOWER (I did not feel I had time for that last year and therefore did not shower often so~ it's a BIG deal) I have only about 5-15 docs a day (1-2 hours work) spend the rest of the day working on a project with a break to make dinner, Nate goes to school for either classes or homework Mon - Fri and comes home to spend the evening with us. WOW!!! What a world of difference.

Considering these things it finally dawned on me. I had a mild case of postpartum last summer and can anyone wonder why?! I was SERIOUSLY over worked. I wanted to be super mom. I wanted to be able to do it all, but as soon as Nate quit his job and I no longer had obligations to others outside my home I almost completely SHUT DOWN. Then I felt guilt for not working or wanting to work and I thought that must mean I'm a lazy person. I was wrong all along! I may have been lazy, but I am NOT a lazy person. I was doing some serious decompressing. I'm using the word serious a lot I'm aware.... but SERIOUSLY (it really has been a refreshing revelation)!

Exercising has given me the recharge I needed. I enjoy it so much now, and it's become such a clutch that I'm to the point that I even work out alone if I can't get together with Becca! I see now that I am capable. My house is consistently clean (enough) dinner is on the table, I have time to do the things I enjoy, and to take Bud out to do things he enjoys. And I haven't even gotten to the BEST part....

After all these years my prayers have been answered. I have the DESIRE to read the scriptures. It feels so backwards that exercise would lead to house cleaning and scripture study rather than scripture study leading to house cleaning and exercise, but it is how it is and I am so grateful. We have been taught many times that our bodies are temples and we need to take care of them and I truly have a testimony of that. When we do a little "house cleaning" our spirits are refreshed and the Lord has greater opportunity to bless us and answer our prayers.

The tree doesn't stop growing there. When we learn how to be a blessing to our family opportunities are more easily and often seen for how we can be of service to others. I'm grateful for this experience and how it has helped to change me, though I know that I did not make these changes on my own. Everything that has changed, besides making the choice to exercise, has come from the blessing of DESIRE, and that was a gift from my Savior. I know he lives. I know he loves us. And I know that if we pray for the blessings that will help us to make righteous choices our prayers will be answered. I know that our Savior knows us each by name and he cares, and if we let him he will guide us safely through this life to the next.

About Disaster

2010-01-26T15:04:00.000-08:00

I first want to say - I don't know how long it's been since my apt has been such a DISASTER! We have been fairly good at keeping it clean on a regular basis and even close to spotless the week leading up to this unfortunate event.

Here is how this happened. Friday we started out cleaning the house. Vacuumed, did dishes, laundry, cleaned Bud's room. It was beautiful! Friday night I had to make dinner for 2 families + our own. We were rushed for time as we had to leave at 5:30 to clean the SL temple, so I didn't really have time to clean up the dinner mess. We were there till 10:00, we watched the last Conan (I'm team CoCo!) when we got home, then went to bed.

Saturday we woke up early to cleaned our chapel, left to get Bud in Saratoga Springs (about an hour away) went to the case lot sale at Harmon's in Midvale, went home took naps, went to dinner, went to Home Depot, Harmon's in Brickyard to get some stuff Midvale didn't have, went to Wal-mart, went home, unloaded, put Bud to bed, and I worked a bit and went to bed.

Sunday was well.... Sunday, and Monday I seriously just needed a break and besides a quick trip to Walmart and Lowes, and Golden Coral for dinner we did nothing. That's right NOTHING!

In the meantime for the past 2-3 days Bud's been doing some arranging of the food storage. I have no explanation for anything that wasn't food storage, except the laundry in our living room was just washed today and, like everything else, just needs to be put away.

I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all but I have done SOME dishes now. I think I'll finish those before I start on the family room.

Now for your viewing pleasure -

Sweet Bud falling asleep while eating lunch early last week. Funny kid:)