I'm sorry but this post might be a little depressing. If you're in the mood for happiness stop here, but if you're in the mood to have an opportunity to encourage and uplift someone in need of encouragement and uplifting, please keep reading.
Today I feel like a failure. Tonight I went to drop dinner off for Nate at school. What did I take him? Two packages of Ramen. Why? Because I haven't gone grocery shopping. Why? Because I'm afraid to spend money because we fixed our car. I'm not disappointed about fixing the car, it's a huge blessing. Nevertheless taking my husband Ramen for dinner made me feel a little like a failure.
As I began to drive home all I could picture was what I was coming home too. An extremely messy house and kitchen, and 4-5 hours of work. For this reason I feel like a failure.
Bud has been whining non-stop for the past week abut EVERYTHING. Does this mean I'm not spending enough time with him or taking care of him well enough? In addition to being driven absolutely CRAZY by his constant whining, I feel like a failure.
Some how this is all my fault. If I were a better wife, better mother, better employee, better organized the house would be clean, my work would be done, my child would be happy, and my husband may still be eating Ramen, but then again maybe I would have time to come up with something a little more creative with the few groceries in our house because my house would be clean, my work would be done and Bud would be content playing with his toys rather than crying with his face between my knees.
Ever have days like this? What do I do? And it's not even that I've been extremely lazy. I have actually kept busy. Granted I'm not saying that I can't be a little more focused and efficient, but with Bud crawling around getting into things he shouldn't, and knowing that whatever task I have to do is going to be interrupted halfway through I admit I have a hard time finding motivation to take on big projects at almost any point in my day. This leads to a messy house with a messy kitchen which leads me to feel like a failure.
It's like this vicious never ending circle. And even now rather than working or cleaning I'm sitting here writing a blog about it. Why? Because I'm tired and its the end of the day and my baby kept me up last night and all I want to do is relax.
What do I do? How do I deal with this?
Ohhhh Melissa! You are having a bad day! I dont know if I have any good advise on how to change the way you feel, all I can say is that I have been there too. Its hard to be a wife, mother, employee, its hard to be everything to everyone. Just try not to get so down on yourself. Dont worry if your house is a mess, do what you can and then make time for yourself and your family. You seem like a wonderful mother and wife, and even though you might not feel like it right now, I'm sure your hubby and baby think that you are the absolute BEST thing that they have in their lives. Keep working hard and try to keep a smile on your face, things will be fine, hope you feel better soon and good luck being super-mom/wife/employee!
ReplyDeleteI think everyone has these days. Clark is probably in the same stage Parker is. It's time for him to learn to walk as it is time for Parker to learn to crawl for a change in scenery but for now they're bored with everything and grumpy. And besides ain't nothin wrong with a little ramen every once in awhile! You do what you gotta do. I'm sure your mom had days like this, and mom's always have the best advice..remember?
ReplyDeleteEvery Mother in history has had these days more than we care to think about, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteFor the first year and a half of our marriage I was always scared to swipe the debit card at the grocery store .. we litterally had no money and relied on peoples kindness ALOT. Davis has been really blessed with good work the past 2 years so that may not be such a concern anymore ... BUT I definetly have days where there just seems to be way too much to do and not enough time to do it all in, something has to be left undone unfortunetly.
Hang in there Melissa! Don't be afraid to ask for help!!
It may be the pregnancy talking, but now that you mention ramen noodles, I have a serious craving for them .... like Im considering packing Kailey in the car and going to get some right now.
I know its one more thing that takes time, but I sit down and read my favorite scriptures (just a couple of verses) to calm myself and then quickly make a very specific list of what needs to be done and prioritize. Each job (e.i. clean the kitchen), I have broken into smaller tasks (e.i. wash dishes, clean counters, scrub floors), so I don't have to do all of it at once if I realistically just don't have the time/energy for all of it. I try to do it at night before I go to bed, so I can start the day with a game plan--if I have a clear idea of what I'm going into rather than just a general, overwhelming "There's so much to do!" I have a much easier time getting started and staying on task.
ReplyDeleteAnd as long as you don't abuse it, there's nothing wrong with sticking the baby in a high chair with a dum-dum or handful of M&Ms as a bribe to keep him quiet just long enough for you to get a few things done without him clinging/crying.