I'm sorry but this post might be a little depressing. If you're in the mood for happiness stop here, but if you're in the mood to have an opportunity to encourage and uplift someone in need of encouragement and uplifting, please keep reading.
Today I feel like a failure. Tonight I went to drop dinner off for Nate at school. What did I take him? Two packages of Ramen. Why? Because I haven't gone grocery shopping. Why? Because I'm afraid to spend money because we fixed our car. I'm not disappointed about fixing the car, it's a huge blessing. Nevertheless taking my husband Ramen for dinner made me feel a little like a failure.
As I began to drive home all I could picture was what I was coming home too. An extremely messy house and kitchen, and 4-5 hours of work. For this reason I feel like a failure.
Bud has been whining non-stop for the past week abut EVERYTHING. Does this mean I'm not spending enough time with him or taking care of him well enough? In addition to being driven absolutely CRAZY by his constant whining, I feel like a failure.
Some how this is all my fault. If I were a better wife, better mother, better employee, better organized the house would be clean, my work would be done, my child would be happy, and my husband may still be eating Ramen, but then again maybe I would have time to come up with something a little more creative with the few groceries in our house because my house would be clean, my work would be done and Bud would be content playing with his toys rather than crying with his face between my knees.
Ever have days like this? What do I do? And it's not even that I've been extremely lazy. I have actually kept busy. Granted I'm not saying that I can't be a little more focused and efficient, but with Bud crawling around getting into things he shouldn't, and knowing that whatever task I have to do is going to be interrupted halfway through I admit I have a hard time finding motivation to take on big projects at almost any point in my day. This leads to a messy house with a messy kitchen which leads me to feel like a failure.
It's like this vicious never ending circle. And even now rather than working or cleaning I'm sitting here writing a blog about it. Why? Because I'm tired and its the end of the day and my baby kept me up last night and all I want to do is relax.
What do I do? How do I deal with this?